I use the pencil for all hard and above puzzles. I'm not a cheater but I do have low scores... hint to become better....I will only use pencil if I can narrow it down to two spaces within the box. If there are three options it's just too many and can slow you down. You can see that it is always one or the other as you fill in all other numbers. Good luck
My default strategy for extreme is to fill out all of the candidates before doing any kind of elimination (I might do some implicitly along the way), then use the highlighting feature and some other group-based techniques to solve. If you start out with a grid that has all of the candidates filled out, you should be able to quickly get your time down to around 2~3 minutes. Then, if it takes around 1~2 minutes to fill out the candidates using the pencil, then you should be able to target 4~5 minutes with very little practice,